Memories
by blu-rain
Summary: Yuki will give anything for the happiness of a girl who no longer remembers him… after what has happened, Kyou had sworn to protect her… will Tohru ultimately find happiness with one without destroying the other? (YxT)
1. abyss

**a/n****:** after a mix of being inspired by all the writers here and my need for more furuba… i've finally decided to post a story! ^^ (haha… after making probably a hundred comments as babyblu XP)… basically a tangent story following the end of vol15 (except vol14… which I only got recently ^^)… I tend to do multiple flashblacks… (ummm… sometimes within each other… -.-;;) but if u notice a text change or brackets… assume it's a flashback! (unless its stated otherwise… for instance, 1st set of italicized lines make reference to the note she has in her hand) am I confusing? hehe

**disclaimer****:** determined to own all of furuba one day! (haha… aka buy all the manga when it comes out XP) so far… ch89 has been the latest release… ;_;  waiting desperately for a *ahemz* plot twister between yuki/tohru/kyou… hehe, anyways! On to the story…

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---one---

**abyss******

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with hands outstretched…

before fading away…

futile attempts…

to kiss the sky…

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************

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_It'll be alright if you forgot the things I said…_

_…_

Tohru ran blindly past dark trees, breath coming out in harsh gasps. She clenched the note he had left her tightly in her right hand.

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_It must have been a burden Honda-san… gomen…_

_…_

"Let me make it on time, onegai" she whispered desperately as tears threatened to fall. Although there were no clouds, slowly, it had begun to rain.

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_If only one thing…_

_…_

In the distance she could make out the vague outline of Shigure's house, rising slightly above the trees. So close, it was so close.

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_Please… remember me._

_…_

The sun fell with a steady pace to somewhere unknown, hidden behind the house. It was too late. Deep within, she already knew. Her knees gave way as the unlighted house came into view. There was no one there.

…

"Yuki-kun…" Tohru murmured as she turned towards the darkening sky. Her tears flowed unrestrained, fading into the falling rain.

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_Honda-san…_

_…_

_…_

_goodbye__…_

_…_

_…_

_***************_

_…_

"Yuki… you'll catch cold if you stay there…"

With his arm extended, Yuki sat silently, his right shoulder leaning against the threshold of the door.

"It's alright… Haru," he responded passively, eyes never leaving his upturned hand. "You should go… if Akito were to find out you were here…" Yuki trailed off. Although reluctant to leave, Haru knew that Yuki needed some time alone. Taking a blanket from the closet, he wordlessly draped it around Yuki's shoulders. Then, taking one last glance, he turned and exited the room.

Yuki vaguely heard the sound of Haru's retreating footsteps from a distant part of his consciousness. Expressionlessly, he continued to watch as the raindrops fell, seemingly from darkness onto his outreached hand, only to slide between his fingers and disappear again. There was no purpose in closing his hand to stop the rain from falling. For no matter what he did, he knew that he would never be able to grasp something that was not meant for him to keep.

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…

_"Honda-san…"_

_…_

_An early summer breeze blew, surrounding him with warmth. No one could have predicted it would rain later that day._

_Tohru__ looked up from amidst her tears and found worried gray eyes gazing softly at her._

_"Eh?!__ Yuki-kun! I wasn't expecting you to come up here!" she responded in surprise._

_She had been crying. All alone on the roof of the school, Tohru was crying. _

_"Honda-san…" he whispered against the strong wind. Her tears had been hastily wiped away, but the sadness within her eyes remained._

_"Ah, … ano, it-it's just that graduating made me so happy, I cried," she quickly explained. "Okaasan always wanted me to graduate from high school, so I feel like I've finally achieved her dream."_

_ "It's alright, Honda-san… to say that you miss him…" Yuki said quietly as he took a seat next to her on the hard concrete. It had already been three days since school ended, two since Kyou had been locked away, and today… today… He didn't want to think about it just yet. If only for a moment, here together with Tohru… Although he knew it would hurt, she needed someone right now._

_"Ah, it's just that… I-I don't want Kyou-kun to have to suffer like that… Kyou-kun must be so lonely…" Yuki averted his gaze at her words._

_It was more than she let on. Yuki knew that her feelings for Kyou were much stronger. As he thought of this, something deep within him inexorably shattered._

_"Soon… I promise, I'll bring him back to you." It didn't matter what he had to do. He would give anything as long as Honda-san wouldn't cry anymore…_

_Tohru__ turned suddenly at his words. "But Yuki-kun… what about you? What if Akito-san… what if…" you never come back from there… _

_"It'll be alright, Honda-san," He smiled gently to assure her. "There's no need for you to worry unnecessarily."_

_"It's not unnecessary, Yuki-kun!" Her sudden outburst caused him to turn towards her stunned. "Yuki-kun… Yuki-kun's important as well…"_

_"Honda-san…" he paused, contemplating what he could possibly say, to someone who meant so much to him. "Thank you…" for everything… "for thinking of me …" for always being so kind to the undeserving me…_

_"Yuki-kun… how much time… do you have left?" She asked uncertainly, fear etched across her features._

_"Not long…" He watched as her face fell and felt a wave of guilt for causing her more pain. "Honda-san… for me, it won't be so bad… the main house had been my home after all. I'll be alright," he reassured her._

_"Iie," she whispered softly. "It's much worse, isn't it? Because…" For him… there was no doubt that his greatest fear was… "Akito-san" escaped trembling from her lips. She quickly placed her hands over her mouth, as if to prevent it from reaching Yuki, but could only watch as his eyes widened slightly in response.___

_"Honda-san…" he whispered softly, after a slight pause. "I'll be alright… it had been lonely before…" the feeling of being abandoned and hated by all… his  family… his only friends… even the one they called an outsider… amidst the snow the first time they met, his eyes burned with hatred…_

_…_

_…_

_…_

_{You...  
  
I won't forgive you...  
  
I will never forgive you...  
  
Everything's the mouse's fault  
Because of you  
  
Because you exist, everything...  
  
Everything'd be fine  
If you were gone from this world!!}_

_…_

_…_

_…  
  
  
_

_Always… the hated mouse… an unwanted and worthless person…_

_…_

_…_

_…_

_{You are my toy…_

_you're__ mother gave you to me…_

_you__ were essentially abandoned…}_

_…_

_…_

_…_

_"I ended up doubting myself… feeling that I wasn't someone who deserved to be wanted" unable to escape who I was… "It was then that I realized, deep inside… Akito had become a part of me. With anything I do, I can hear his voice," whispering so softly in the dark recesses of my mind. "Although it's difficult, but I know I can always move forward… because you are here now, supporting me unconditionally…" never faltering to reach out your hand to my worthless self._

_"I'll be okay, because I know you're close by…" even if you are forever out of reach…___

_"Yuki-kun…"_

_Before either realized it, they fell into a comforting silence. The sun bathed them in soothing warmth, providing a gentle peace before the incoming storm._

_Yuki watched as the sun continued its inevitable fall, then turning gently towards the now sleeping Tohru, brushed away a few strands of light brown hair that had fallen over her eyes. She looked like an angel at that moment, with the sun illuminating her soft features. In a sense, she was… for without realizing it… she had saved him from the darkness so many times…_

_Careful not to wake her, Yuki bent over and allowed his lips to momentarily brush over her forehead. A single tear fell from his eyes and landed gently on her cheek. As the tear slid down her face, it almost seemed as if she were crying with him. Gently, he placed a note beside her. His eyes lingered on her face, unwilling to leave her side although he knew his time was up. With a final goodbye, Yuki turned and walked away._

_…_

_"Goodbye… Honda-san."_

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************

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"Sohma-sama… I've brought you you're breakfast."

Yuki's eyes slowly blinked open and focused on the retreating form of the maid. Without realizing it, he had fallen asleep leaning against the doorframe. Pushing himself off from the hard floor, he took in his dripping hair and robe. Had it rained harder while he slept?

Yuki coughed slightly as he made his way to his dresser.

"I should have been more careful not to get sick," he murmured to himself as he began changing into a deep blue robe. "Honda-san always worries too much when the people around her get sick…" His words suddenly faded. It was odd how he still thought of her as being close by, when they were now in separate worlds.

With a somber smile, he pulled his arm through the wide sleeve and tied the front close.

"Yuki-sama, Akito-sama requests your presence," announced a second maid through the shouji. Yuki's eyes grew wide momentarily, before glazing over into a dull shade of acceptance.

"Hai," he replied before sliding open the door and following the servant out.

Silently, Yuki allowed the maid to lead him through familiar passageways, past gardens of memories, towards the dim room where he first met Akito.

"Akito-sama, Yuki-sama has arrived," she announced through the closed door.

"It's been a while," replied the same chilling voice that had always haunted Yuki's nightmares. "let him in."

The door slid open and God sat before them, surrounded by pools of dark red silk.

"I've missed you… Yuki," Akito said, slowly approaching Yuki with arms outstretched. Yuki stood immobilized as Akito gently wrapped his arms around him. He tried desperately to maintain the façade, but as he coughed slightly, a tremble inadvertently escaped.

Akito smiled deceptively as he felt the smaller figure in his arms quiver. Yuki had always been so weak… so breakable. Pulling apart, he watched as Yuki lowered his eyes, his futile attempts to stay strong.

"Tell me Yuki, did you miss me?" He whispered, fingers trailing gently down Yuki's pale face as Yuki continued to stare silently at the floor between them.

"Why won't you answer me, Yuki? I've missed hearing the sound of your frightened voice…" Akito's slender fingers moved downward, gently tracing the contours of Yuki's face down to the chin. There, he paused before unexpectedly pulling Yuki's chin forcefully upward. "It would be unwise not to speak to me…"

"Akito… let Kyou go…"

Surprised by Yuki's request, Akito pulled his arm back. "What is this all of a sudden? So it is true then… you even seek acceptance from that monster…"

"I-it's not that," Yuki replied in defense.

"Don't lie… I remember that hopeful expression of yours whenever anyone would speak of that cursed neko… the possibility of there being someone as pitiful as you… how pathetic…"

Yuki looked up suddenly with wide eyes. "H-how?"

"You think there could be anything the mouse does" Akito paused, savoring the petrified eyes he found before him, "that God doesn't know about?"

Yuki's eyes fell to the floor again, whispering silently to himself that it was impossible… repeatedly, holding desperately onto the idea that a separate self apart from Akito existed.

"Do you still seek his acceptance? To erase the pain your existence caused him with one good deed…"

It existed, he was sure. Deep within, although he knew he had no power to rebel against Akito, his own voice surely did exist.

 "IT'S NOT!" Yuki responded defiantly. "It's not for him at all…"

Akito stared at the now silent figure before him, preparing to hit him for his insolence. However, as he was about to raise his hand, a realization occurred to him, causing his eyes to widen.

"Unless it's for that idiotic girl…" Yuki's eyes shifted away at his statement. "Are you doing this for her?? Has she fallen for the monster?!?"

Akito suddenly broke out in harsh laughter. "What a perfect match… two monsters…" Yuki stared at the floor without responding. Akito's laughter continued on maliciously, seemingly unending. When Akito's laughter finally subsided, Yuki watched him lean in closer, closing the gap between the two.

"You truly are an ugly person, Yuki." He whispered softly. "Is that why that idiotic girl chose the monstrous cat over you?"

Akito's hand gently stroked through Yuki's silver hair.

"No… that's not it is it?" Akito continued. "You probably haven't told her yet have you? Shown her your true weak and ugly self… you never told her about your past, how hated you were… how lonely you are now… because then you would truly become undependable to her… proving that you have nothing to offer her…" then softly, Akito whispered into Yuki's ear a single word, shattering him. "Useless…"

A shadow of resignation appeared in Yuki's gray eyes, causing a smile of satisfaction to appear on Akito's face.

"She couldn't love you, even though you only showed her a partial image of yourself…" Akito whispered venomously. "If you had completely let her in to your dark world… she would have hated you for it…"

Yuki realized with increasing clarity the truth of his words. Tohru would be sad if she ever found out, pulled alongside himself in this endless abyss of darkness.

Yuki opened his mouth slightly, as if to speak, but quickly covered it as a series of violent coughs wracked his body.

Immediately, Akito brought both hands up to his ears, attempting to block out the noise. "Stop it! That annoying coughing!"

No matter what Yuki tried, he couldn't suppress the coughing or that familiar constriction he now felt in his chest.

"I SAID STOP IT!" Akito screamed as he raised his right arm, striking out at Yuki harshly with the back of his hand.

Yuki saw the hand coming at him through blurry eyes, but his body refused to move. The hand hit him full on causing him to hit the back wall before falling onto his side, struggling to breathe through the incessant coughing.

"ALWAYS WITH THAT ANNOYING COUGH!" yelled Akito, pulling at his hair in annoyance. "HATORI! WHERE IS HATORI?!"

"Here," replied a calm voice, followed by a series of approaching footsteps from down the hall.

"HATORI! YOU SAID HIS COUGHING WOULD BE GONE BY THE TIME HE REACHED THIS AGE!!"

Hatori, maintaining his composure throughout, answered calmly. "It was, but I have reason to believe that Yuki is currently ill."

"Take him and fix him then!" Akito stormed, hands never leaving his ears.

"Hai," replied Hatori as he made his way over to the fallen figure. 

Hatori gently supported him up, slinging one of Yuki's arms around his shoulders when he saw the mouse waver.

Yuki was vaguely aware of Hatori's supporting arm amidst the chaos of his mind. The coughing had stopped, but the pain that came with each trembling breath refused to subside. It wasn't long before the corners of his vision dimmed. Only one image of light remained before he was overcome by that all too familiar darkness once again.

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Honda-san…

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************

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**words**** for thought:**

ano - umm

gomen – sorry

hai – yes/ok

iie - no

okaasan - mother

onegai – please

shouji – paper partitions used in Japanese-style doors

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…

**a/n****:** yayz! Thnx for reading… gomen tho… kyou didn't appear in this chapter yet… not much of tohru either… but the next chapter should introduce kyou and include more tohru… hmmz… possibly some kyouru… not sure yet ^^;;;… haha i rilli am a yukiru fan but i am no longer certain of what the conclusion of this story will be ^^;;… gomen… even i am uncertain of who tohru will choose yet since it's not that I dislike kyou… please review if u liked this ^^


	2. return

**a/n**: ahh…. sorriez! anyone should be able to review now ^^;… also,  i went back and filled in some gaps to the previous chapter… yes, it was pretty incoherent huh?…  ackz... i wrote the first chapter after suffering from lack of sleep for the past few weeks...when i should have been studying... since school's still piling on the workload… my mind will probly be fried when I write my fic… so please correct mi if i'm missing something or getting something wrong… I have a horrible memory so have forgotten many parts of furuba… ^^;;; anywho... onto my daydreams...

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**disclaimer**: furuba's not mine… will never be… ;_; 

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---two---

**return******

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************

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Hatori had purposely left the window ajar, allowing in the gentle autumn breeze. Silently, he sat beside the pale figure sleeping peacefully in bed. Yuki had not moved since Hatori last checked on him over three hours ago. He must have been exhausted. If glanced at quickly, the slight shadow of sympathy within Hatori's eyes at that moment would have been overlooked. The prevailing detail would have been the complete lack of emotion found in his placid features as he quickly scribbled down a prescription.

He had already turned to leave when the sounds of sheets shifting caught his attention.

"Hatori?" asked a partially asleep Yuki as he slowly pushed himself up, his voice slightly raspy from the recent attack.

"Medication for your cold," Hatori replied distantly, nodding towards a small bottle of pills on the table. "Take two every eight hours, I'll come and check on you in a few days."

"Hai," agreed Yuki reluctantly despite his aversion towards pills. "Thank you, Hatori."

Hatori didn't respond. Silently, he turned around and stepped out the door. Although he had not meant to be so aloof, there was no intention of acting compassionate either. It would be infinitely crueler to provide Yuki with a helping hand that could easily be pulled away so easily by a simple command. 

Yuki's eyes remained momentarily on Hatori's retreating back before turning his attention towards the window above his bed. The cerulean sky remained clear with the exception of a few passing clouds. It was strange how he already missed Tohru. Despite that she was now far away, he could still hear her soft voice filled with warmth. Those memories of their times together, took away a little of the loneliness he had always felt. With his chin resting gently upon an upturned palm, Yuki closed his eyes and let the warm breeze blow back his silver hair.

"Today would have been a good day for planting…" he noted with a slight smile.

In the distance, the clear sound of distant wind chimes resonated peacefully. It was a soothing lullaby and in no time, the thin figure once again returned to the dark recesses of a dreamless sleep. 

…

************

"Ano… Shigure-san?" The writer glanced up at the mention of his name, finding none other than Honda Tohru with a suitcase in hand, standing before him.

"Tohru-kun… alas, it seems the inspiration for my current novel is leaving me…" his voice faded while gently patting a stack of papers. "The ending to my newest novel will have to remain forever lost."

"A-ah, Shigure-san, I'm so sorry." Tohru bowed quickly before continuing. "But I've already stayed for too long. Since I've graduated now I can begin working full time and will be able to support myself. I have already saved up enough to rent an apartment. Sorry for bothering you for so long," she added with another bow of apology.

He studied her then, noting her strength despite everything. If he hadn't known her so well, he would have fallen easily for the excuse she gave. However, he had already anticipated her premature departure. It was doubtful that she would want to stay after both Yuki and Kyou were gone. Living in the same house where they had shared these past few years would only be a constant reminder of her loss. He had suspected as much, however, it was not yet time to let her go.

"Ah, so you are leaving so soon then?"

"Yes," she answered openly. "Thank you Shigure-san for letting me stay here."

"But, wouldn't you like to see Kyou before you go?"

Her eyes widened. "I-I would be able to?" Her words stuttered. Seeing Kyou again was something she had come to believe as an impossibility.

"There is nothing that such a cute girl wouldn't be able to do!" Shigure laughed lightly.

"Ah…" she dropped her suitcase out of sudden embarrassment. "O-of c-course not!"

"Don't worry," he stood up suddenly and picked up her fallen suitcase. "I'll bring you to him, the neko will be so stunned he'll probably confess his undying love immediately."

"E-eto…" Tohru's face flushed a bright red. "Won't Shigure-san get in trouble?"

"Not at all, not at all," he brushed her concerns aside with a wave of his hand while making his way towards her room. She followed not far behind, her mind in turmoil. Could seeing him again really be that simple? Shigure dropped her suitcase on her bedroom floor before turning to face her with a smile. "Shall we get going then?"

…

************

Behind the bars of his cage, Kyou sighed. Based on the position of the falling sun, he judged it to be about late afternoon. Another day had passed. It was strange how he never resisted against his current predicament. But then again, who was he to rebel? It was simply the way things were done, his fate as the cursed cat.

As Kyou closed his eyes, his thoughts drifted towards mocha-tinted hair, soft honey-colored eyes and that familiar clear voice that seemed to always occupy his dreams. Was she all right? He was sure that she would be taken care of by… the nezumi… 

"Kuso!" Kyou kicked the immobile bars before him. He wasn't supposed to feel relieved that Yuki would be there for her. In the past few years, his hatred had begun to dissolve, replaced by a sense of love for her.

It was wrong.

His mother, her dreams, the reason for her death… these were things he should never forget. Although it was now impossible to act out what he had sworn to do, his hatred would remain. He would never forgive Yuki… nor himself…

"Kyou-kun!!!" Kyou turned suddenly at the sound of that familiar voice. Was it just another of his delusions that he had conjured up out of being in solitude for so long? It was so realistic though, the way her hair flowed back in whisps as she ran forward… that smile… the tears within her eyes beginning to overflow…

 "Kyou-kun…" she whispered brokenly as she approached the bars separating them. Uncertainly, his hand moved forward, watching as she shakily took his hand within her own. "I've missed you…"

"How… How did you…" he asked with wide eyes.

"Shigure-san, he brought me," Tohru answered with a smile although the tears refused to stop.

For the first time since she appeared Kyou tore his gaze away from her, taking in the emptiness behind her. "He's gone…"

"Ah… I never noticed…" she responded as she turned to look. When had he left?

…

************

Despite the open window, the room seemed to lack light. The only place lighted was a small area closest to the window and it was within this area that he sat silently, waiting. The sun shining outside seemed to mock him. Although it gave him light, it lacked warmth.

He was constantly waiting, such a futile attempt. It had all become tedious. Shigure would come find him eventually, as he always did, to take away some of that boredom. If there was anything predictable about the dog, it was that he would always without doubt, find his master no matter how far he strayed.

Within minutes of his prediction, soft footsteps sounded from down the hall. The door slid open without hesitation and a few seconds later, the source of the noise stood a few feet behind him.

"Akito…"

"It's been a while since you've visited me, Shigure," Akito replied dully without turning.

"My apologies, but certain circumstances around the house have been keeping me busy," Shigure casually responded.

"They're all idiots," Akito rested his head on his arms as if out of exhaustion.

"Who?" Shigure asked, feigning innocence.

"Everyone… so desperate for change that they act so mindlessly, allowing themselves to be fooled by her idiocy." Still standing in the shadows behind Akito, Shigure's expression remained indifferent.

"It's true, she is just a normal girl," he agreed easily.

Akito fell into silence after that, neither moving nor speaking. Although Shigure could not see the expression on Akito's face, he could tell Akito was troubled. There was something evidently bothering him, but Shigure was not one to pry into Akito's matters so bluntly.

"I'll be leaving then," Shigure said after a long pause. Seeing Akito's unresponsive form, he turned to leave. It was starting to get late and he still needed to retrieve Tohru before going home. He took one last glance at the Souma clan head before stepping out.

"You are the real idiot," he whispered quietly to himself, disappearing behind the closed door.

…

************

"Shigure-san will probably be back soon," Tohru commented trustingly. Although Kyou still had his doubts as to why Shigure would leave, his focus returned to the crying figure before him.

"Oy," he hit her softly on the head, causing her to turn. "Is this how you want me to remember you?"

"A-ah, you're right… I shouldn't be cr…" she fell silent in surprise as she watched him slowly reach forward and wipe away her tears.

"No, it's alright to cry if you're sad. Just, don't worry." She gently touched the iron bars keeping him prisoner. When everything in her wanted to break down and cry, she smiled widely at him. He needed her, and for that reason, she needed to stay strong.

"I won't cry, but I don't think I'll be able to stop worrying about Kyou-kun." She replied honestly. "If… if it helps… I'll visit you everyday…"

This time her smile was genuine. Until she found a way to free him, she would continue to visit. Even if it took a lifetime before she found a way, she would still come.

"It-it's alright," Kyou answered slightly embarrassed by her answer. "It's not like I'm always alone. Shishou comes often… Kagura too… still…"

"I will too…" Tohru answered with determination. "So you won't ever be lonely… but because of work, I may come a little late… I'll bring your favorite dishes though to make up for it… although you may have already eaten dinner by then… but… but …"

Suddenly, Kyou pulled her in, bringing his arms around the metal bars so that they wrapped tightly around her. For a moment, he just held her. It didn't matter that he would transform, as long as he could for a second, feel her within his arms.

As she closed her eyes, she felt him disappear. And then there was only that familiar orange cat. With a sigh, he sat down on the dirt floor.

"Sorry."

"N-No… it's alright, Kyou-kun," she answered with a slightly flushed face. Wordlessly, she sat down beside him.

"What happened to Yuki?" He asked unexpectedly after a moment's pause.

"Why?" Tohru looked up in surprise.

"Bringing him here with you, it's something you would've done," he admitted grudgingly, turning away. Tohru looked at him with wide eyes. Had he really noticed her worry? Besides her mom, there had never been anyone who could read her so well, understanding the real her beneath the surface.

"A few days ago," Tohru began quietly after a pause. "Yuki-kun left as well… it worries me also."

"You don't have to," Tohru turned to look at him at his unexpected words. "He has a mother and father, his family's the best off in the Souma clan… when the year starts, he'll probably go to some elite private college… anyone… anyone's parents would have been happy if their child could have given them that much…" Kyou's voice faded off as memories once buried resurfaced again.

"Kyou-kun…"

"Kyoouuu… is that look of guilt because you've just tried something perverted on Honda-san?" sang Shigure as he approached the two.

"Baka!" Kyou stood suddenly in anger. "Who would do such a thing?!"

"But you're blushing," Shigure commented with a laugh.

"Shut up!" He turned suddenly towards Tohru again. "And you! Don't let that pervert near you when you're alone! Lock your doors at night!"

"A-Ah… ano… eto… "Tohru replied, unsure of how to respond.

"Tohru-kun, we should get going. I want to try that new leek dish you've been working on," Shigure took hold of a very confused Tohru's arm and began pulling her away. "You're such a good little wife," Shigure continued, secretly laughing as Kyou fumed noticeably behind them. "Oh yes, of course we'll bring some for Kyou as well! Next time, next time…"

Kyou twitched in anger as a happy Shigure disappeared with Tohru behind the corner. That house was definitely not a safe place for Tohru now that she was alone with that perverted dog all day…

Not far away, Shigure and Tohru walked in silence. He turned towards her, noticing that despite her calmness now, the corners of her mouth still remained slightly upturned.

"I'm assuming you plan on staying now?"

"Ah," she turned, surprised by his sudden words. "But it'll be trouble for you, Shigure-san."

"You cook delicious meals and clean the house… it is a romantic ideal for a man to have a young pretty girl do such for him."

"A-Ah… b-but…" she stuttered in complete embarrassment.

"So please stay," he turned towards her then with an open smile.

"H-Hai… if it's really no trouble," she answered, still somewhat doubtful.

"None at all," Shigure responded as they turned the corner. Soon, things would begin to unravel. Only a few more pieces set in place and then all that remained would be to wait patiently… until then…

…

************

How long had it been…

Since he'd last felt this presence in his sleep?

It was a soft touch, cold fingers lightly brushing back his hair. Although he could feel it distantly, a part of him refused to awaken. Perhaps it was out of subconscious fear, but his eyes remained closed. And so he lay immobile as the coldness continued to sweep against his features, tracing each contour with innocent curiosity.

He wasn't sure of when the tears had formed, but by the time he noticed, one had already escaped his eye. The gentle hand suddenly froze, before retreating. For a long time, there was only emptiness, an unsettling quiet claiming the room. Then, loud footsteps sounded quickly away and the silence once again resumed, covering the room like a shroud.

It was only then, that he found himself able to move from his half sleep state. The breath he hadn't realized he'd held escaped shakily from slightly parched lips as gray eyes slowly opened.

Yuki tried to prop himself up, but the trembling in his arms prevented him from doing so. After a minute of struggling, he finally fell back in submission, frustrated by his weakness.

"You sleep too much, Yuki," came a soft voice from beside the entrance. Yuki tilted his head in the direction of the voice although he already knew the identity of the visitor. Only one would secretly visit him despite the risks.

"Haru… isn't it still early?" Yuki asked, rubbing the blurriness out of his long unused eyes.

"It's three," responded Haru while plopping down on the floor by Yuki's bed.

"Already??" Yuki started at Haru's words. "Then it's already been… since I fell asleep…"

"A day," Haru replied with a yawn. "Since yesterday."

Yuki coughed lightly as he pushed himself up. "Somehow… I still feel tired…"

Yuki suddenly paused, noticing the shadow outside his door with long hair flowing freely in the wind. "Rin…" he whispered softly to himself. There was something sad about her being there as well, that made it all seem like nothing had changed… as if the years outside the house had never existed. At that moment, Haru noticed a shadow fall across Yuki's eyes.

"Haru, you and Rin are together again?" Yuki asked, pushing aside his own emotions.

Haru nodded slightly. "She came back after all… mostly because of Honda-san…" He glanced at Yuki then, checking for a response.

Yuki's eyes seemed to flicker momentarily at the mention of Tohru's name before quickly dulling again. "Rin, she's not coming in?" He asked, turning away from Haru's inquisitive eyes.

"No, she says she'd rather not," Haru responded directly.

"Oh, I see…" Yuki answered, no longer pressing the matter any further. He had already known that Rin blamed him. Haru always putting himself in danger for his sake, she must have blamed him.

On cue, Rin suddenly stood up from her position outside the door. "This is a waste of time, I'm leaving," she announced, turning to face Haru.

"Well," Haru said standing up "Later then, Yuki."

With a final pat on the shoulder, Haru turned and followed Rin out.

Yuki's eyes remained on the door, patiently waiting for the one Rin had noticed coming. Surely enough, a maid appeared within minutes.

"Yuki-sama, Akito-sama requests your presence," she stated with a bow, her eyes remaining the entire time on the floor.

Sensations from the morning awoke within him suddenly at the mention of Akito's name, causing him to shiver slightly. "Hai, I'll be there shortly."

Taking a deep breath to calm himself, Yuki randomly grabbed a robe and put it on. As he secured the outer robe, he couldn't help but notice that his hands had begun to shake again. It was uncontrollable, or perhaps he had no strength to control it. Somehow, the sense of fear was becoming overwhelming, like the prelude to a nightmare.

With each step closer, his sense of foreboding increased. The turns were different. It wasn't Akito's chamber that they were heading to, it was that room. As if descending the steps of Hell, all visions of light disintegrated, leaving none but the shadows of ghosts that had haunted him since childhood.

Just breathe, he whispered to himself like a chant. Just breathe.

Inevitably, the door arrived before him, the final gate. The unexplainable trembling of fear, the coldness that seemed to permeate through the doors, all made Yuki feel as if he would collapse. Unconsciously, he grabbed hold of the wall to support himself.

_Just breathe…_

The door had been opened. As soon as he stepped inside, it would just be the two of them... once again sealed within the darkness of his mind's prison.

_Just breathe…_

"Yuki…" That same cold smile… those eyes full of sin… just like so long ago… "Can you hear it?" He asked innocently as he slowly approached. "These walls…" Each step seemed to resonate loudly against the bare floor. "Have been calling for you…"

Within the shadows, ghostly hands clawed out at Yuki… suffocating him with long forgotten images.

"No…" he whispered brokenly, shutting his eyes tightly in an attempt to escape. "No…" his tormented eyes filled with tears.

Incessantly the images came forth… piercing through all other thoughts…

"Please stop…" he pleaded, stepping back blindly until he stood huddled against the far corner of the room. The steady footsteps continued steadily towards him.

"It won't…" Akito whispered deviously. "Because you remain unchanged…"

"N-No…" Yuki's voice broke as he pulled his knees closer to his chest.

"These ghosts continue to haunt you because people cannot change… you fear them because you have never forgotten them… will never forget me…" he stated softly, his words burning deeply into Yuki's mind. "You will never change…"

Yuki's eyes shot open as the footsteps came to a rest before him.

"To be foolish enough to think that somebody could grow to love you…" Akito whispered, hovering over him now.

There had never been anyone…

Yuki's gaze fell to the ground. Akito's words had breathed truth into the embers of his doubts. Gradually, his eyes began to dull… as the nightmarish images continued to penetrate his weak defenses… fear became replaced by a placid submissiveness.

"You really are just the same, aren't you?" Akito reached out gently to brush away a few loose strands of gray hair, savoring in the slight quiver of muscle as the back of his hand came in contact with Yuki's face.

"The girl, she couldn't be happy with someone like you," Akito gently leaned in closer until he was only a breadth away from Yuki's ear. "But are you willing to stay within these walls… in exchange for the cat's release?"

Without raising his gaze, Yuki answered, his voice barely audible. "Yes…" binding his soul to the shadows of the room…

Akito's lips curved upward, his arms slowly wrapping around Yuki. "It's all right," he whispered softly. "I will always love you… my Yuki…"

…

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**a/n**:

ah, I rilli want to stop writing these akito/yuki moments… poor yuki . … but it's necessary for the psychological impact so please forgive mi -.-;;;… I think the story will become more calm in 2 chapters…  I rilli hope you'll review ^^ 

fukari - thnx for being my first review!! ^^ im happi u like it, mmz! imma work hard at developing the chara in future chapters! 

r junkie - mmz... now that i think about it... the beginning does resemble make a wish... such a good story, (probly did influence mi, haha) but this'll be very different!! hmmm… I don't think kyou and yuki ever talk in this stori at all…haha ^^;;;… I dunno, hopefully I'll figure out a way to add some communication between the 2 into the basic storyline ^^… oh, thanks so much for correcting mi before… ahemz… im not so good with writing fanfics so… gahh… sorriez! please let mi kno if something like that happenz again!! mmz, it makes mi happi that u liked this stori tho ^_____^

hellokat – gomen!!! yuki's in an even worse predicatment now -.-;;;… mmz!  omg... the manga... yea! I have a hunch that furuba will end in yukiru tho since way back in vol 2, didn't someone say *it would be an even better story if you met him (first love) again and fell in love* so… takaya will hopefulli make this a *better* story by making it a yukiru… hehe… thanx so much for all ur commentz!! makez mi happi ^^

ying fa19 – thnx so much!! ur compliment's made my day ^^ yes yes… im all out for yukiru too!! ackz… i hate what akito does to yuki… grr~~ but its necessary for akito's chara development… sighz… snifflez… sobz… 


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